Monday - Friday
Sometimes Weekends

A blonde went out on a date with her boyfriend to the movies. After the movie he took her to Lookout Mountain, parked the car and started to kiss her.

As things progressed they started fondling each other. Before long they were ready to make love. He asked her if she would like to get in the back seat.

She said, "no."

He unbuttoned her blouse and began fondling her breasts and once again he asked her if she would like to get in the back seat.

Again she said, "no".

As more and more of her clothing came off he became really hot and excited. Once again he asked her "Would you like to get in the back seat?"

And again she said, "no".

Frustrated he asked "Why not?"

To which she replied "I want to stay in the front seat with you."

Fri. July 3, 2009

The Maid

The maid asked for a pay increase.

The housewife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?

' Maria: 'Well, there are three reasons why I want an increase.
The first is that I iron better than you. '
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.
' Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria:
'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife: (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No ...the gardener did.'

Wife: 'So how much do you want?'

Thurs. July 2, 2009

"Old Acquaintances"

An elderly retired couple were driving down the East coast, when they stopped in Georgia for a fuel stop. The elderly woman was very hard of hearing, and usually asked her husband to repeat everything.

An elderly station attendant came to the car and started filling the fuel tank. Making idle talk, he asked if the man liked the weather, to which the man replied, "very much."

What'd he say?, asked the woman. "He asked if I like the weather, and I told him yes", replied her husband.

"Where are you-all headed", asked the attendant. "Oh, we're going to Jacksonville", he replied.

"What'd he say?" asked the woman. "He asked where we're going, and I told him to Jacksonville," the husband replied.

"Where are you-all from," inquired the attendant a few moments later.

"Oh, we're from Maine," the man replied. "Ah, I was in Maine for two years while I was in the Air Force," replied the attendant. In fact, I dated a girl from Maine while I was there. It didn't last long though. I have to tell you, this girl was the worst in bed of any girl I ever knew."

"What'd he say?" inquired the woman.

"He said he thinks he knows you," replied her husband.

Wed. July 1, 2009

One hundred and fifty years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator, Alan Pinkerton, for protection.That was the beginning of the Secret Service.Since that time, the federal government has produced a large number of multi-letter agencies such as: FBI, CIA, INS, IRS,DEA, BATF, etc.

Now we have the "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service."

Can't you just see them now, these 'highly trained' men and women in their black outfits with jackets saying across the backs: F.A.T.A.S.S.

The FATASSes are of course supervised by a special section of the Homeland Security Section known as: Airport Security Service Home Office Logistics Enhancement Section or the A.S.S.H.O.L.E.S. I feel safer already, don't you?

Tues. June 30, 2009

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